What Is the Difference Between Ebola And Air France Pilot Strike according to Chris Elliott?

Simple. Ebola scare isn’t over yet.

Now, I’ve never pictured Chris Elliott as a fear monger. Don’t get me wrong, he is wrong about many things. As a self-styled David fighting against the Frequent Mile industry Golyaph (but unlike the popular myth with no chances to win), he has been wrong almost every time when he has tried to say something.

But fear mongering? I don’t know. What had to happen to make him write this?

Chris is not the guy to beat around the bush. He opens with the kick in the guts.

Now that the feared Ebola virus has arrived in the United States, it’s time to take some steps to protect yourself, fellow travelers.

My family is planning a trip to Dallas next month, and you can bet we’ll be extra vigilant about hygiene when we fly, drive and interact with other people. Now, to be clear, you can only get Ebola through direct contact with an infected person’s bodily fluids, such as saliva, urine or blood.

Right! Or semen. Or breast milk. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. How do you get in contact with those bodily fluids on a plane? I presume, a quick and unprotected exchange of, um, saliva with a kinky infected stranger would be out of the question–I mean, since you are flying with family7

Wait! Mr. Elliott will explain. He always does. He has an indisputable source to prove that all those bodily fluids can be present on an aircraft. Himself!

But as I reported in USA Today recently, all those can be present on an aircraft.

See? Told ya. Now let’s dig a bit deeper and see what the reported findings are.

Here are three chunks from Chris’ USA Today piece. The quotes below are supposed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are in mortal danger. Well, see for yourself.

Karas and Stinson, newlyweds flying from Phoenix to Kauai on US Airways, were taken aback when they spotted dried blood on their seatbacks. And they know what dried blood looks like: Both have jobs in emergency medicine.

Rauen, who was on a morning flight from Orlando to Chicago on American Airlines, found herself sitting in a urine-soaked seat. “I knew it was human urine because of the very distinctive odor,” says Rauen, a sales manager from Oak Brook, Ill. She complained to a crewmember, who confessed that seats get sprayed by passengers “all the time” and told her she could either sit down or take the next flight.

Cannon, a teacher from Palatine, Ill., was on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Las Vegas when she felt something wet on her seat. “I pulled out my hand, which was covered in vomit,” she recalls.

Gross? Yes. Unimaginable? Yes. Eww? Hell, yes! Health hazard? Hell, no!!!

I totally sympathize with the victims. I would be beside myself if I had to experience one of these horrific scenarios. I applaud Chris that he took on their cases and is helping to make them whole again. But for the love of god, could anyone explain to me what all that has to do with Ebola?

I’ll tell you what. Elliott is a very shrewd marketeer and the word Ebola is trending everywhere: on the net, Facebook, and Twitter, as well. Chris knows all too well what he is doing.

Ebola cannot kill you or even touch you just because you sit in a vomit-, blood-, or urine-drenched seat. It just won’t happen. It might, theoretically, find its way into your bloodstream through a broken skin, but that’s a far cry from I’m flying to Dallas and not getting any chances, because if I do Ebola will kill me. No, it won’t. And you know that.

Your whole article is a bullshit keyword-based marketing gimmick. Or, maybe not all of it. You have also managed to throw a few affiliate links into the mix, like these:

One of the items we carry with us at all times are Purell Sanitizing Hand Wipes ($8.87 – an 11 percent savings).

With Ebola having made its debut in the States, we’re considering upgrading to an antiviral, bleach-free hand sanitizer spray ($23).

If you’re really paranoid about catching Ebola on your next trip, you might also go the face-mask route. This 3M face mask and respirator will do the trick. (A box of 20 costs $25.45 – a 36 savings).

Since I’d had enough, I left him this message:

You have just blown my state-of-the-art bullshitometer into a thousand pieces.

Somehow, Mr. Elliott, I liked you better when you were simply bashing loyalty programs for the badness of it.