Grammar Police?

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Hi officer. How are you? Look, I won’t lie to you. I know good grammar is important. I do. I kinda have to know that, for I’m a freaking writer, right? But here is the thing. Well, two things, actually.

To begin with, English is not my first language. My first language is quite opposite to English. Another word, my language and English have very little in common. It’s like a swan and an antelope—both are gorgeous, yet totally different animals. I won’t tell you which one is which, because this metaphor sucks as it is, but when you say “it’s all Cyrillic to me”, you’re talking about my language. So now you understand. Well, sorry about that, but nobody’s perfect.

Second thing is even tougher to convey. But I’ll try anyway.

When I’m posting on the blog, it’s like I’m talking. And when I talk, I’m less concerned with grammar than getting my point across. I promise you, officer, I will diligently employ the use of a spellchecker, but that’s the only concession you’re getting out of me. If you can’t handle an occasional run on sentence, if a messed up article or a preposition makes you cry at night, if a which instead of that whips you into a frenzy, then I’m really sorry to lose you. Please come back when I get better.

Having said that, officer, my book is a different story. It was proofread and edited into “submission” by my buddy Bart, who also happens to be a grammar police. Just like you.

Woopsies, another run on. It’s almost like I can’t help myself.

Anyway, grab my book and you won’t be disappointed. Oh, look, here it is over there: up to the left. How did it get there I have no idea! Just click that link and you’re all set.

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